Medical Update

This job is proving to kick my butt. Well, actually I am ok once I'm there since I am so busy but the hours are brutal. I don't get to sleep until 1:30am typically and the boys wake me up around 6:30am. It also causes me more tachycardia. Anyhow, on with the post. I had to wake up at 5:30am yesterday to go down to Cedars Sinai hospital for more testing for my heart. I had to fast so my drive in gridlock traffic before 7am was horrible. I seriously thought I was going to fall asleep at the wheel. I guess I really wouldn't have hurt anyone since we were going less than 10mph. I needed coffee.

Because I had to fast, my arms look horrible from the nurses struggling to find a vein for my IV since I was dehydrated. I am STILL a "medical mystery." I stumped three more doctors yesterday. During one study, my heart jumped from 60bpm to over 120bpm with no stress induced. When I would talk, my heart rate continually climbed over 130bpm (while laying down). The problem is not only my heart fluctuating so much and so fast is that it doesn't come down without medication. It's a long story but basically what I have is debilitating and they are frustrated they were more confused and couldn't give me a diagnosis. They don't understand how I can honestly function throughout the day if a relaxing environment causes such negative effects, what does a stressful situation do to my body? What they do gather is that my problem is a neurological problem. Somehow my nervous system is overly sensitive (such as moving or talking and my heart rate jumps). So next I go see a neurologist at UCLA whose speciality is the study of the part of the brain that controls the heart function.

So again, we shall see...

Employed

Well I am officially employed. It isn't the best situation for us but we are managing. I think this week will be the true test. Luckily Stephanie and Kelly were here this past week and it made the transition for the boys easier. Plus they let me sleep in in the mornings so I should see how I can handle it this week. The hours are killer. I have had a lot of stress over it this past week. I have never worked since Harrison has been born so he has always been around me. And with William when I was working, I had such flexibility. Now it's a 3pm-midnight job. The tough part is that I really won't get to see Scott. He obviously isn't up when I get home. I work every other Saturday and Sunday's I work at church. William starts preschool in a few weeks so I won't see him on Tuesday and Thursday other than to drop off and pick him up. So there isn't much family time. It isn't an ideal situation. Plus I hate to say this but the pay is not good. I shouldn't complain because I should be happy I could find a job in this type of market. But it is less than half of what I used to make at Indymac. I don't know. I know I shouldn't complain. It is just a very tough situation to be in.

Both Scott and I want to have a parent home with the boys. I know some people may think that is laziness not to be employed outside the home (although I will disagree with you) but that is the plan we always had. Living in California just doesn't allow for it. The timing is horrible with my health and I have had more stress this week to add to it. I don't want this to come off as a complain session. I just haven't wanted to comment on me working because it is stressing me (and Scott) out and I seriously start crying. So let it be. This week will be the true test if all of us can handle it.

Unfortunately our babysitter Jillian can't watch the boys while I am at work. She was accepted into a program for school a few hours from here. She did recommend someone for us and she starts tomorrow. I am sure the boys will love her too.

Discouraged

I was in the hospital again yesterday for a couple hours. My heart rate has been jumping up since last Thursday. But it was sporadic and would go away. Monday I wasn't having any issues. Yesterday from the moment I woke up I felt my heart racing. I kept monitoring it throughout the day and it stayed around 140 resting. We were busy yesterday with karate and such. Not to mention I was exhausted from the night before. It was probably one of the worst nights in a long time. Harrison and William were both up most of the night. Harry, just because he wasn't tired and William because he was in horrific pain with his stomach. I seriously thought he was having an appendicitis or something (but he is ok now). Anyway, I called my cardiologist and let him know what was happening. He basically chewed me out over the phone. Seriously. He yelled at me so much that he made me cry. I know that he was just concerned for my health and someone has to be. I know I should take better care of myself but at the same time, I have two toddlers. I can't just drop everything I am doing. He told me I had to go to the emergency room immediately because it wasn't healthy to have my heart rate that high while on my medications. The medications I'm on are supposed to keep my heart rate around 60 so you can see his concern.

I guess the one good thing about a heart problem is that you don't have to wait at the hospital. Dr. Soni met us there and we went right back to get an EKG and he gave me 50 miligrams of Metroprolol. Within no time my heart rate was normal again. Soooo now I am back on the Metroprolol, the medicine he took me off before because I was lightheaded all of the time, dizzy and my blood pressure got too low. The other medication I'm on, Midodrine, makes me nauseated periodically throughout the day. So you can understand my discouragement to be going through this all over again with finding the right dosage of the medications to keep everything in line. I'm so frustrated right now. I feel like I am never going to be released to work out again and since when is exercise bad for you?

I'm 30! I'm not supposed to have a heart problem. I'm depressed. I'm frustrated. I'm discouraged. I just want to go back to our normal life from a month ago.